Giving back

For many years I have been aware of an organization called "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep" a program that photographers join. I've typed and re-typed what this means, but perhaps it's best quoted from their website

There is another aspect of pregnancy and birth. There is an unexpected place in this journey where some families may find themselves. When a baby dies, a world is turned upside down. There is confusion, sadness, fear, and uncertainty that cannot be explained. There is sorrow where there should have been joy. During this time, it might be impossible for families to know what they might need in order to heal in the future.

This is the place where the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Foundation gently provides a helping hand and a healing heart. For families overcome by grief and pain, the idea of photographing their baby may not immediately occur to them. Offering gentle and beautiful photography services in a compassionate and sensitive manner is the heart of this organization. The soft, gentle heirloom photographs of these beautiful babies are an important part of the healing process. They allow families to honor and cherish their babies, and share the spirits of their lives.

When I first started considering this, I have to admit, I dismissed it because I just thought I could not do it. I spend my life documenting the happiest days of people's lives, why would I want to photograph such a tragedy? I have kids, I reasoned. I might cry, I reasoned. I might...feel bad, I reasoned. But for the last year it's niggled at me, that I wasn't brave enough to do it. I recently was going through some photographs of my oldest son and came across a photo of my friend Eli. At the time, I lived in Florida and Eli and I had met at one of those "first time mommy" groups. Eli was the one who got pregnant with twins when her son Trent was about 3 months old. We marveled that while the rest of us were trying to reconcile never getting any sleep that Eli would soon have 3 kids under the age of one. Shortly before she was due to give birth, she found out one of the twins had died in uetero.

I was 27 years old, and that was the first "person" I knew who died. I had never been to a funeral. The idea of losing an infant was beyond my comprehension. I went to visit Eli in the hospital before shortly after she gave birth to the little girl who survived. While in the hospital, she asked me if I wanted to see the photo the nurses had taken of the twin who had passed...God help me, I wish I remembered her name for sure, but I think it was Sarah. I said that I did, and I looked at the photo and for me, it was a kind of closure. After I looked at it Eli grabbed my hand and said "You're the first person who has seen it. You're the first person who has wanted to see it. I haven't looked yet, but I will."

I thought of that, and logged on to their website and applied for acceptance. I got word today that I have been accepted and for the first time, I don't feel bad about that. I can't say that if I am called doing this type of photography will be easy. I might not have the heart for it. I hope I do.

If you're a photographer, please consider this worthy organization. I believe that photos are the greatest legacy we can leave.